| a kiss in the shape of bullets |
[02 Sep 2003|02:55am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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poison the well |
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hey everyone, havent posted here since my summer began.
( Read more... )
sorry for the long entry just i had a hard summer and i wanted to share.
rock on, brian
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[19 Jul 2003|07:00pm] |
ahhhhhh. dont you fucking hate it when your doing good alll day and then you just give in and eat. i had nothing all day, not even water, and i eat three small pieces of chicken piccata and 2 and a half handfulls of pasta. sooooo many calories. i feel so disgusting. and i could just purge but my moms home and i cant risk it
ummm i had something to ask people.if i think about it ill ask later
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| itching my wrists with razors |
[19 Jul 2003|02:45am] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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glassjaw - midwestern stylings {acoustic} |
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hello again people. i havnt posted in a while. no one comments anymore. :( . i like talking to people. any hoo
so the other day me and a few of my friends had a going away "party" for one of my friends. one thing leads to another and were all high luaghing and tripping. i know i really shouldnt have but everything so messed up i really needed to.but it ends up i ate like 2 thirds of a big bag of chips. the guilt i felt afterward. i could just die. idreally want to. im such a mess. i have lots of friends now and i have no reason to be unhappy. but NO ONE knows me. i hide from everyone im scared to tell people about my past. only 2 of my closest friends know im bulimic. i have a big smoking problem. i hate my parents. i just wish i had someone to talk to. i feel so lonely sometimes.
imake myself so sad sometimes.like right now.ugh
o well. on a lighter note. my birthdays in 6 days! woot. im finally as old as the rest of my friends. darned summer birthday. ok im sorry about the long post.
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[19 Jul 2003|02:34am] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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glassjaw- midwestern stylings {acoustic} |
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hello again people. i havnt posted in a while. no one comments anymore. :( . i like talking to people. any hoo
so the other day me and a few of my friends had a going away "party" for one of my friends. one thing leads to another and were all high luaghing and tripping. i know i really shouldnt have but everything so messed up i really needed to.but it ends up i ate like 2 thirds of a big bag of chips. the guilt i felt afterward. i could just die. idreally want to. im such a mess. i have lots of friends now and i have no reason to be unhappy. but NO ONE knows me. i hide from everyone im scared to tell people about my past. only 2 of my closest friends know im bulimic. i have a big smoking problem. i hate my parents. i just wish i had someone to talk to. i feel so lonely sometimes.
imake myself so sad sometimes.like right now.ugh
o well. on a lighter note. my birthdays in 6 days! woot. im finally as old as the rest of my friends. darned summer birthday. ok im sorry about the long post.
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| hey hey hey |
[03 Jul 2003|11:24pm] |
shit i havent posted in so long.. hows everybody doin. i just watched chasing amy. it was ahh ok. wasnt the best.
i need thinspiration!! it almost as if i forgot i had an ed. i need to get back on track!
post comment
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| oo babay |
[03 Jul 2003|11:24pm] |
shit i havent posted in so long.. hows everybody doin. i just watched chasing amy. it was ahh ok. wasnt the best.
i need thinspiration!! it almost as if i forgot i had an ed. i need to get back on track!
post comment
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[03 Jul 2003|11:22pm] |
shit i havent posted in so long.. hows everybody doin. i just watched chasing amy. it was ahh ok. wasnt the best.
i need thinspiration!! it almost as if i forgot i had an ed. i need to get back on track!
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| save the world lose the girl |
[28 Jun 2003|11:29pm] |
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mood |
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 determined |
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music |
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midtown |
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im baaaaaaack...
ok ive been sick for a week so ive eaten like NOTHING. but i like nearly passed out so ive been eating lately. bad move. its like ive made up for every single time ive starved or purged. ahhh i hate myself right now.
my goal for the new wee. starting in a half an hour.
EAT
-nothing
-water
-2 pieces of fruit a week
-2 diet sodas every 3 days if i want
BINGE
-ONCE a day if i HAVE to
-i get to eat dinner 1 day
PURGE
-when i binge
EXERCISE
- 2 hours everyday
i know im probably killing myself and its unhealthy but id rather die thin then obese
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| jesse!! come look at what your brother did, he has done away, with me |
[16 Jun 2003|06:15pm] |
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music |
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heartshot kid disaster |
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aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i just BINGED again. FUCK. and i just purged some of it. but i need to go do more
how long does it take calories to get absorbed into my body.
fuck fuck fuck
and also, do lemon or lime juicehave calories in it. ahhahha im so paranoid
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| hafsfasd |
[13 Jun 2003|03:15pm] |
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music |
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the hopesfall |
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tonights the middle school dance. YAY!! i dont really want to go. o well its the end of the year. then i might go into town and hang out or something. im bored. and hungry. havnt eaten all day. ima start only drinking water. no other liquids just water. i need a shower.
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| some body hates me |
[10 Jun 2003|05:30pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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reel big fish |
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today i did real good. when i got home from school i did give into one of those jumbo black and white frosting cookie things. but i purged most of it up. and ive only had water since. i wish i could get out of dinner though.so i say today ive only eaten about 500 calories. so i got on the exercise bike and did about 60 calories but i got tired so i got on my real bike and went outside. its so nice out. probably around 80 degrees and they just paved the roads today. so i did about 2 miles and a half. and 1 and a half miles were up hill. and this time i didnt get up on the bike once. i pushed myself and sat the whole way. i want to pass out now though. hey maybe ill get out of dinner
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[09 Jun 2003|11:02pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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fitzo pefecto- little yellow box |
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from about 7 oclock last night till now ive fasted. i havnt weighed myself in a while but i hope its less than last time. i did drink some water and some diet coke. and i did "eeat" some cake. wich was me chewing it and spitting it up but when everyone had to come to the kitchen i actually ate some. but i threw it up i the shower. so i say i had at max maybe 100 calories from the soda and maybe some cake that slipped by. i love that feeling of emptyness in my stomach. im used to it. and its now like that same pleasure of bieng full. now when im full i feel guilty. and weight should be the least of my troubles.
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